Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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