i think my tv is drunk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
