That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh god it's open bar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
