Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
