so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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