he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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