There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
