Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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