if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
