you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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