I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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