it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
