my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
