Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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