im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
