Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
