New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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