fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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