Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
