Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
