Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
