it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
