Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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