i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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