and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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