Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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