I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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