Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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