so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
