Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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