i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
