i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
