Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
