I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I enjoy the company of your penis
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
