I'm lost and stupid without you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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