Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My hand turned me down
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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