I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
