Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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