Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
