my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
