Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize