just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
