Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
