Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
