I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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