ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I still have a little drunk in my system
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
