So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
