how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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