we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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