cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
