I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
