I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
