I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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