Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
