Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
