I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
