Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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