he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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