Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
