your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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