I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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