I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
