He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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