So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
