who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You've changed since you got that strap on
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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