i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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