I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
