Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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