The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
