North Korea, Best Korea!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
