I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize