I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am one with the molecules
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
