cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I bet he comes in French.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
