all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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