Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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