Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What drink are we having for lunch?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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