I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
