A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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