um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
