it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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