You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
