She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
