you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
