just come out here and I will go home with you...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
