She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
