sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
