her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
