I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
