I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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