Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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