So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
