youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
