I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
