I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
