We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
