Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
