I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
