I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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