Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize