I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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