mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
