I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
