just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
