Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
