The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
