Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
