mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize