they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
