I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
