I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
