But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
