A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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