Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize