Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
