There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
