Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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